final T.I.L.T. for 2009

things i love about this thursday and this year

tee, always tee. and especially thank god she had happened to call earlier this year as i was setting the kitchen on fire. the year could have gone so much worse than it did.

getting to meet my cousin marvin for the first time. i mean, we've only had 55 years to do it but better late than never.

laurie and the way she can make me laugh at all the right times. a lifesaver on several occasions to be truthful.

my idiot friends - what did i ever do without them?

that lore and teri and their families came to visit me this summer. i'm still feeling it and loving the thoughts of the things we did while they were here. especially cj and oscar walking out into barton springs and vic being the first one of us to go underwater.

that i got to go to boston to visit with kimVee and her family and go to the beach in provincetown with kim and her girls.

the good report on the heart. doc said i had the best heart for a 55 year old he'd ever seen and that i could eat food that was bad for me for the next 40 years and still not worry about heart disease (not that i'm going to do that)

that there are people like luanne, and laura and zoe and others out there advocating for a better world each and every day.

having reconnected with old friends, especially alice and janet.

that my friend alison s. is back in my life.

for my good friend paula who has been my rock for so many years she's probably starting to grow moss around her ankles <3

my kids - they are the best. i know every mom says that but, really . . .

st. angela. she is amazing. she should get the mother of the decade award if there is one.

where i live. that it's so quiet and light filled and that my ears still pop every time i drive up my street.

that it's a blue moon thursday taking out the year. how cool is that?

that all my kids and my brother and sister and their kids and my mom will all be here saturday. (tee - don't forget to call at some point in the day - i'm sure there will be a disaster of some sort in the brewing)

kimVee and her bringing buddy and shilo into my life.

my job - i love it and am so grateful for it.

for maimegurl's holiday card -it was beautimous!

that things went well at the last show i curated. the possibilities for the contrary were endless given the venue and timeline.

my little charlie brown christmas tree. it is the most beautiful one yet. no lights, just ornaments, and the smell of pine throughout the house.

stockings hung by the chimney with care and glitter. how did i go from 4 to 8 stockings so soon? can we slow time down?

that alice and george's son is coming home from the middle east in february. get these wars over with soon.

that the health care reform bill is headed in the right direction. far from perfect but a start.

i wish anyone reading this a blessed and prosperous, in every sense of the word, new year.

that those of us not getting to spend new year's eve the way we would have hoped know that there are others out here that care for you and love you dearly. 2010 is going to be our year! :)

that heartache eases with the passing of time although on some days time seems to stand still.

peace out from beecave

sharron

passings

many of us lost loved ones in 2009 and their stories are within our hearts forever. some of the other notable passings were: ivan zulueta, david levine, isaak schwarz, dennis brutus, percy sutton, esther chavez, vic chesnutt, Lamidi Olonade Fakeye, robert howard, micah naftalin, ann nixon cooper, eric gates, toomas liiv, yiannis moralis, brittany murphy, kim peek, bob willoughby, alaina reed hall, dame victoire bennett, james rossant, dennis deleon, robert g heft, garland adair, thomas hoving, gene barry

kathryn waldo, lorenzo ochoa salas, jack rose, liam clancy, bryan o'byrne, richard todd, eric woolfson, william safire, norman borlaug, mary travers, ted kennedy, don hewitt, les paul, eunice kennedy shriver, john hughes, merce cunningham, frank mccourt, walter cronkite, karl malden, michael jackson, farrah fawcett, patrick swayze, marilyn french, bea arthur, helen levitt, JOHN HOPE FRANKLIN, natasha richardson, horton foote, john updike, kay yow, andrew wyeth . . . more on john hope franklin and andrew wyeth to come.

mary travers

david levine: caricaturist and artist. new york review of books.

dennis deleon

alaina reed hall

percy sutton:

esther chavez:

ann nixon cooper:

erik gates (mythbusters)

yiannis moralis

thomas hoving

eric woolfson (alan parsons project)

frank mccourt

farrah fawcett

patrick swayze

helen levitt

kay yow

musicians lost in 2009

NPR's list of musicians who died in 2009 and tributes from other sources. Clicking on some of the images will take you to one of their songs.

dan seals, dewey martin, mike seeger, les paul, michael jackson

mary travers, liam clancy

i didn't know that dewey martin of buffalo springfield had died. they were one of my favorite bands and i still have two of their original albums. not that i have anything to play them on but i've still got them intact and in the garage.

and other tributes http://www.philbrodieband.com/muso-rest-in-peace.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121776270&sc=nl&cc=mn-20091230

all's well

had to have an angiogram yesterday - took me completely by surprise - but everything is "perfect" according to the doctors. very glad for that. i've got a bruise the size of texas on my thigh where they put the needle in but if that's the worse that came of it, wonderful. i can't run again until monday but i'll be back at it with a vengeance and glad for the 8 pounds i've already lost. seems an overwhelming number to go but i'm on it even though it will probably take 9 months if i keep going at this rate to lose what i want to.

on another subject, if you haven't seen it in the news, tylenol has recalled their arthritis strength products. just an FYI if you have some - throw it away.

my family's christmas is this coming saturday. looking forward to it and the beginning of a new year though the beginning of the year is a hard time to think about. do things ever really get better?

christmas eve

got a bit of a little christmas surprise this evening. i realized the prius is getting about 52.5 mph. love it! i discovered it when i took cj over to his dad's for christmas eve. now it's me and the pups and the fire in the fireplace.

tomorrow, linda, sara and i are going to see "9" then going to linda's sister's for christmas dinner. that will be nice.

for some reason, this holiday season has been even harder than last year. my therapist and i have been doing a good job of sorting what's just being sad and heartbroken vs what's actual depression. yes, virginia, there is a difference. it's not so much about missing a person as it is about not being able to trust again. 3 people i never dreamed would have betrayed me did so and it still hurts like a knife. what i know is that i can outlast this pain - no matter how long it takes - i can beat it and i will. jeannie and robert keep me going somedays (i swear, a house i was looking at the other day when i was feeling especially low was 1111 XXXXXXX drive). it's the little things that can help make things better. synchronicity. there's been a lot of it lately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY

http://www.youtube.com/user/sryanreed#p/a/f/2/SczP8NqlfZo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srNPlbKloC4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N81t3p2N0DI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1YUcB1Ao8M

beeping heart

when my oldest was little, he used to say beeping heart instead of beating heart. i was reminded of that today for some reason. i went to the cardiologist this morning expecting him to give me a clean bill of health based on what the radiologist told me but, instead, he told me i have to have a cardiac catheterization and possible angioplasty. they've scheduled it for monday. i've never been much worried about things that have to be done at hospitals and the like but for some reason i'm nervous about this one. maybe it's the fact of being alone although my boys will be with me. maybe it was just being surprised thinking everything was ok. dunno. i'm sure by monday i'll be feeling fine.

as we're doing christmas on january 2, linda and i plan on going to see movies on christmas day and maybe having chinese food. my friend paula is coming to town and i hope to see her, too. it's been too long.

i drove past the tree on my way to and from the doctors and it still looks great. the wind is quite strong here today so i was a bit worried about the decorations but they're holding up fine - so far.

when i got home, however, JASPER had dug under the fence. i absolutely have no idea what to do to stop them from doing this short of burying barbed wire underground and i don't think that's wise or plausible. cj will be home from louisiana shortly and i'm sure we'll figure it out but, in the meantime, buddy, jasper and shilo are quarantined other than supervised visits to the yard.

if it's not one thing it's your mother.

O Christmas Tree

There's an unspoken but quite visible tradition in Austin, I'm not quite sure when it began, where people will decorate the juniper trees that dot the highways of 360, 2222 and 2244 and some of the side roads in between. Today, my friends Wendy and Barbara and I decorated one on 2244. We decided to do a breast cancer awareness tree in honor of my and Wendy's friend, Jane, who beat the damned disease (the butterfly on the tree is just for her). The tree we chose was isolated a bit from other trees and, although it was close to the side of the ledge, it didn't seem too high up to be a danger. Wendy and I bravely scaled the ledge while Barbara walked about 50 feet past the tree and walked up a smooth incline. Figures. Anyway, the photos speak for themselves, just wanted to set the stage.

This evening we're having a "slumber party" - Wendy and Barbara are spending the night with me and it's now 2:22 a.m. and we're just turning in. We spent the evening catching up with a couple of other friends and marvelling that we managed to live to see our 50s. Especially marvelled that we made it out of our 20s in one piece - for the most part.

We're praying for no more rain until after Christmas. There's nothing like longtime friends and longtime friends in the making.

good news/ bad news

for those of you i haven't spoken with since the weekend, i've got some good news and some bad news. i apparently had a mild heart attack. that's the bad news and the good news. the even better news is that after all the tests and tubes and everything else, there's no damage to my heart and i don't have any clogged arteries. just high blood pressure and i need to lose weight and get in shape. it doesn't make sense that this should happen AFTER i've started losing weight and walking but far be it from me to understand anything about this universe. i guess being heartsick for the last 18 months took its toll physically, if you believe in all that stuff.

i'm just grateful that i'm given this second chance with no damage - just awareness.

when i came home today, buddy and jasper had torn up the house. thankfully shilo was in her crate. i don't know what came over them but i've now got it taken care of and the beds made and the kitchen in good shape. at least good enough. i'm sure there's at least one spoon left in the sink - seems to be a trademark of mine.

my kids have been so great the last few days. sending me text messages, calling, offering to come be with me but i really feel fine. i'm just supposed to take it easy until monday when i see the cardiologist again. i'm sure he'll just kick my ass and threaten me to lose weight or else. i'm 5 pounds down with 50 to go. that seems like such a huge number but i'm giving myself until the summer - that's 10 pounds a month. they say i can do it and i sure as hell have the impetus now.

the weather's turning cold again - 70s then 40s then 60s - typical texas weather changing all the time.

hopefully we'll have at least something of a hard freeze so that the mosquitos are all killed off but not so long that the plants are.

the art show i curated comes down in less than 2 weeks now and the show we were to do next was of original posters from the armadillo world headquarters. sadly, the owner of all those posters died last week of a sudden heart attack. not sure what we'll do instead but it's really sad he's gone - he was quite a character and an austin original.

as of 1 january, using cell phones while driving will be illegal in austin. yay. i hope they enforce it to the max. and i used to be one of the most guilty among us but saw the error of my ways.

peace -
sharron

gay weekend

congratulations to annise and kathy. well done and good for houston, in more ways than one.

yesterday, my friends barbara, wendy, linda, trudy and a few others went to festival hill to hear the gay men's chorus do their 'twisted christmas' program. it was really nice to be with everyone there and i love the GMC - the bayou city women's chorus also did a few numbers which was a surprise. an acquaintance of mine was in the chorus and it was good to catch up with her. but the minute they started singing i started missing ali more than i would have believed. i don't know why but it's been especially hard since before thanksgiving. i wake up like i'm in a bad dream and find out yes i am. only not really - if that makes any sense.

i finished one of my pieces of pottery today. i guess i'll see in a few days how it turns out. here's an upside down picture of it. i had to write numbers on the thing to keep track of what colors i wanted where because some of them were so similar. fingers crossed.

tomorrow i leave for NY - back thursday and looking forward to seeing kelleen. i also finished the kiddos' stockings today. i got them last year but didn't have time to put their names on them - or should i say didn't plan well enough to get their names on them. this year - done. i'm even on track to get christmas cards out before christmas. there's a miracle.

there's nothing like family and friends

that's all i have to say

seeing stars

i was going to post the lyrics to jack ingram's new song - 'seeing stars' - but when i got home, i carried in another stack of firewood and, just before i got to the fireplace, the cord broke and they came falling down on my ankle. we're talking a whole different kind of seeing stars. but at least it made me forget about the earache that's been building all afternoon. on top of that, my doctor called today and i seem to be getting less oxygen to my brain than i'm supposed to be. that explains a lot - literally. i have to go have another test and they're going to watch me on different levels of oxygen. sad this should pick a very busy time at work to rear it's ridiculous head. anyway, here's jack's new song. i could only find one that did the song justice with a youtube stationary photo but you can best hear patti griffin on it too so better than just posting the lyrics. seeing stars.

i can't believe it's so close to christmas. i put (ok, terri helped a LOT) the christmas decorations up pretty well organized after last year so got those out today. got the tree yesterday and cj got it set up in the stand. got the last box of ornament hangers at walgreen's so i may start hanging some ornaments tonight or i may wait until tomorrow. i've got a 9 p.m. call so i'll see how i feel after that. i actually shocked myself that everything was put away so organized - it must have been terri. all the stockings were there - i didn't have time last year but i hope to get the kids' names on them this year. don't know yet what mom's going to do but have a feeling she'll be headed here. i'm going to houston this weekend to stay with a friend of mine who's house is on the 'lights in the heights' route. it will be a nice change and there's nothing like good, longtime friends to make the holiday heartache seem somewhat better. i'm hoping, too, to get by jeannie's family's home. we keep in touch by email and phone and flowers here and there but it's been too long since i've seen them and i know how very hard this time of year is for them. as sick as jeannie was, we were having so much fun this time two years ago. it is such a phenomenal thing - how much we can miss those we love when they're gone; whether gone from the planet or gone from our lives. i'm so grateful that both jeannie and my friend robert told me to listen for bells - that that would be them letting me know they were ok. i'm even more grateful for all the bells the universe causes (or jeannie and robert) cause to ring so often. and the mourning doves that let me know dad's ok, too.

silver bells

just spent almost an hour typing this damn thing and when i saved it, it was gone. guess it wasn't meant to go beyond my own head. surprising given some of the cool things like what went down at my shrink's office today and then finding the little bell that jeannie's mom gave me not too long after she died. but, the universe knows better than i do. perhaps if i just acknowledged that, i wouldn't need a shrink for too much longer. ya think?