family, friends and further weavings

every time i think "isn't life strange?" i hear the moody blues singing it at the old colusseum in houston around 1971. that brings back good memories of a time that, at the time, seemed complicated but in retrospect was such a piece of cake. i wonder if i'll ever look back on this time - 2010 - and think the same thing? maybe not a piece of cake but at least that life goes on. i know that a lot of the things that have happened the past few years that seemed terrible at the time have turned out to be good things . . .

one thing i know for sure is that when anything is wrong with my family or friends, my world is not ok until they are. i've learned the hard way that i can't "fix" everything . . . sometimes i can't fix anything. i know i've made more mistakes than i thought i had and i now know i have more people who love me than should be legally allowed. for that i am grateful.

but i don't understand why there is so much hate in the world; why people can't let one another live their lives according to their own customs and beliefs and i truly don't understand why we can't learn from history - we keep making the same mistakes, collectively, over and over and over again. why does anyone's being brown harm someone who is white? how does anyone who is gay harm someone who is straight? why does that label have to exist in the first place? why do any labels have to exist for that matter? why do people have to believe that their religion is the only one that's right or that they know THE truth . . . i know these questions have been asked over and over again throughout the centuries and there is a lot of wisdom from which we can learn. it's ironic that we usually don't reach that realization until we're so much older than the years where we really could have used some more wisdom. and, of course, most of us have to "see for ourselves" - it's the way of the world.

today i'm so grateful for my four beautiful children. if i've done anything good in this world, it's their presence in it. i'm also grateful for my friends and some other family members - some of whom have kept me going this year. sometimes i lean on you, sometimes you lean on me but we know we're there to lean on each other if needed.

in the twelve step programs there's a promise that says "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." i can't imagine that ever being true given some of the mistakes i made in my past but i know i have to keep moving forward, even when it's a "baby steps" kind of day.