28 june 2011

so, today was a bit of a wash in more ways than one. but yesterday was so glorious that that's really all i can think about. after crater lake was a "no stay" i headed toward klamath falls and spent the night there in a non-descript motel whose only notable feature was that the desk clerk looked like the really creepy guy from "fargo." it was a decent establishment with several other folks staying there who seemed to be on the up and up so i parked, brushed my teeth and went to sleep with a chair in front of the door. i was up bright and early the next day and took off for mt. shasta.

i stopped at a ranger station on the way and they called down to the shasta ranger station who told them the trailhead was open at bunny slopes but that it was best i stop in the ranger station there when i arrived as conditions were variable. ranger #1 told me how to get to the shasta ranger station once i got to the town of mt. shasta but i didn't think to ask for directions to the town of mt. shasta as it was on the map and i've been pretty good about reading them lately. i stopped in weed (really - weed, california - you can only imagine the coffee mugs, postcards, t-shirts, etc. that are for sale there and of which i purchased none) to get a cup of coffee and ask for directions to the town of mt. shasta as the map showed a little hook that i couldn't quite figure out. it was ten miles down the road and it took me 45 minutes to get there. if you're reading this and don't understand why it took me so long, we obviously don't know one another well but i'll be happy to fill you in later.

when i got to the mt. shasta ranger station there were 3 other people. the ranger - a handsome 30-something young man with long blonde hair and two other guys who were serious outdoorsmen of some description. at least that was my guess by their leathered skin and clothing although the "man skirt" over the 2nd guy's knee length shorts had me confused for a few seconds. they were asking the ranger about climbing the summit. this involved an almost 30 minute discussion replete with video and that morning's updates regarding the ascent. one of the climber's eyes just kept getting bigger and bigger and glowing more and more while i'm standing off to the side saying (to myself) "you cannot be serious." the road was open to the bunny slopes where a hiker (like me) could hike for less than a mile before being encumbered by snow. the kind of snow requiring snow shoes or skis. from the bunny slopes, ranger man continued to explain the climb, including the bit where he said something along these lines, "man, yesterday was epic. EPIC. no one around here remembers a day as perfect as yesterday. the downside of yesterday (i'm assuming glorious sun plus massive snow) is that things have started to melt, including the lake that is frozen between the glaciers. you understand, right, that as it melts it forms a crevasse and no one knows when that is going to happen. so here's the path i suggest. . . " (said path NOT involving the area of the lake/ possible crevasse). as he went through the suggested path or paths, he kept saying "i hate to sound like a broken record, but i want to mention the thawing conditions and the dangers of the crevasse." i don't believe i said any of this out loud but i wanted to grab the climbers by the shoulders and shake them and say, "do you understand what he is telling you? are you really paying attention? why aren't you writing any of this down?" i really think the one guy was so high just on hearing about the conditions, he wasn't paying any attention - kind of a charlie brown's teacher "wha wha wha wha wha wha" situation. his friend finally said, "man, you can tell him all you want, but he's doing it. you could talk me out of it, but he's determined." ranger man said, "i can see that, that's why i want to make sure you really understand which way to go up there" (and he gave them more than one option). truth be told, i think ranger man would have liked to go along and something tells me he'd been up there recently because he knew that mountain like the back of his hand. he told the guys they were registering 60 mph winds at the summit, what the camp looked like at what i guess was the half way mark (??? how long does it take to climb 14,000 feet? maybe some of it is hiking or skiing but i know a heck of a lot of it is sheer climbing. i also wanted to ask the guy in the man skirt if he was really going to climb in his man skirt as a) his legs were bound to get cold and b) most people would be below him and wouldn't he be a little concerned about folks looking up his skirt - man skirt or otherwise? even if they did have to use binoculars.) around this time a young woman came in as well as another very thin grizzly adams young man. ranger man got behind his desk and said, "ok, let's sort out what everyone's here for so i can get a bit more organized." he pointed to me and said, "you were next, what's your mission?" i explained that my mission was very uninteresting compared to man-skirt man and his buddy with the glazed over eyes. i just wanted to hike. the young woman also wanted to climb the summit and grizzly adams, jr. wanted to cut firewood. ranger man asked the climbers if they would mind waiting just a few minutes while he helped me and grizzly as it was going to take a while to get all the paperwork done for them. by the time ranger man finished talking with me, we decided a 2-mile at the best hike (and pretty flat at that) of shasta's base wasn't what i was really hoping to do so he suggested i go south about 10 miles - still part of the range that shasta is in - and hike crag's castle. they also had campsites and even though i almost changed my mind a few times just to be able to say i had done a hike at mt. shasta, i decided to take his advice. he said crag's castle was a difficult hike (not climb) but SO worth it and that the campsites were really cool, too. he gave grizzly his permit - wait a minute - there were two grizzlies come to think of it. well, one grizzly and one very handsome, blonde-headed young man in his twenties. the latter was already in their computer system and had a license but they had to override it for some reason - something to do with oregon and california. he was definitely trying to get the permit to "chop" fire wood. i'm not really sure, now, what the one who really resembled grizzly adams (although on the very thin side) wanted. it wasn't to climb or hike, i know that. which left the young woman. ranger: "so, you want to do the summit, too." young woman: "yes, but i'm not sure i want to start today." ranger: "your call but i can tell you the weather is not going to be so good tomorrow and the mountain has it's own weather system as i was just reminding these other two." young woman: "i know. just keep talking to them while i make up my mind." i can't tell you how much i wanted to pull her aside and have a little talk but, all the while i'm reminding myself that i have at least one offspring who participates in such activities and, from seeing the look in man-skirt's friend's eyes, i knew that once these people made up their minds, there was no stopping them. i told myself, 'at least they're stopping at the ranger's station and getting information' then i remembered they had to stop at the ranger's station to get a permit and to register (which i'm sure involved leaving a next of kin notice). hell, i went for a 3 hour hike at cloud peak and had to register and keep one copy of the "registration" on my person at all times. all joking aside, even eyes-glazed over man took the whole thing very seriously. he was making the ranger repeat things several times . . . asking what i thought were good questions (like i'd know) . . . and high-fiving his friend several times.

i left and headed for crag's castle. got off at the exit for lassen thinking crag's castle might be too much. turned back around telling myself i wouldn't know unless i tried. and that's how i ended up at crag's castle state park with a bear locker and a map to the various trailheads. i drove back and selected my campsite, came back out and gave the ranger my choice, got my permit and had to sign an "i understand what i need to do to be a responsible camper in black bear country" affidavit. i told her i didn't have any food on me - just granola bars and they were in a tupperware container. she said they needed to go into the bear locker along with any toothpaste, lip balm, deodorant, anything with a scent. i said, "i have lotion and lip balm on - do i need to wash it off." without rolling her eyes she said, "no, they're not interested in you, only your food and they're more frightened of you than you are of them." i wanted to say "wanna bet?" but let it slide. instead i said, "they can really smell granola that's inside a box, inside a tupperware container, inside a locked car?" i thought she would say something like they just didn't want to risk it but she said that two years ago a hiker left granola on his dashboard and a bear ripped open his jeep and took the granola and i can't remember what else because my mind had returned to the 'do you really want to do this?' phase. i asked if there had been any bear sightings and she said "oh yes but they really aren't going to hurt you. none have been aggressive as long as i can remember other than the jeep incident and if the guy had been in his jeep, the bear probably wouldn't have bothered." she followed with, 'we have a mother with two cubs so, if you see them, just stop, make sure she knows you're not aggressive and wait for her to move on.'

there were about 12 other campsites taken - all but two of them tent camping - so i told myself i could do it. i parked my prius inside the bear locker just to be safe (just kidding). got my tent set up with the sleeping bag, etc. inside as i figured that after the hike i'd probably just want to shower then relax and go to sleep. i am SO glad i made that decision.

the ranger had told me how to hit one of the trailheads by walking in from the campsite. i decided to drive back to the main parking area so that if my car was still there long after dark, someone might realize i was still 'in them thar hills.' and so it began. i had my pack with rain gear, long sleeved shirt, long pants, fleece jacket - just in case. 3 bottles of water. my keys and wallet (which i always take with me wherever i go and which was my #1 concern in going to get my head checked today. what if i had to have an xray and couldn't take my keys and IDs/ credit cards with me?). hanes (who said, "not on your life" when i asked him if he wanted me to leave him in the tent or prius). my camera and my iPhone. i also had my bear spray armed and at the ready, attached to the lower right loop of my backpack.

about 1/2 mile in, two teens come walking past me - no pack, no extra anything, no bear spray, just each holding an empty bottle of water. they said hi, i said hi back and asked which trail they'd done and it was the same one i was hoping to do. i just smiled and said "nice." about an hour later i passed 4 women - or they passed me. they had small packs and one of them had obviously fallen as her leg was scraped pretty badly. one of the women said, 'you sure picked the right time to do this - nice breeze. are you going all the way to the top?' i said i was just hoping to do crag's trail and she said that's what they had done and how great it was. about 30 minutes later, i hit a point where i really wasn't sure i could keep going. i don't know if it was the altitude in general, the elevation i had "walked" in the time frame i'd been walking or what but i had to sit down, i drank a whole bottle of water, and i took a photo thinking i was going to have to turn around and head down. but, after sitting there for about 10/15 minutes and drinking the water, i decided to march onwards and upwards although i did keep thinking about angel fire in september of 2010 and how i had thought it would be so easy to walk 1800 feet downhill and had to be "rescued" at 1000 feet as my legs wouldn't move any more (much to cj's chagrin, i'm sure.) how uncool could a mom be? but then i reminded myself that the incident at angel fire is what caused me to really start working out and get in better shape - or some kind of shape - and so i should be fine. i was fine at bear butte, i was fine at cloud's peak, i was fine in wallace; "fine" being a relative term, of course.

it wasn't 30 minutes later - if that much before i almost fell off the path when i saw what was before me. to the left - shasta. straight ahead and upwards - the "crags." i could not believe i had made it to the end of the trail i was going to climb. in fact, i felt so good and was so overwhelmed, i decided to go to "castle's dome" once the tears stopped and i was sure i had good footing. just then i heard a noise behind me that was NOT a hiker. i knew i recognized the sound but couldn't place it. i turned around (very slowly) and it was a mountain biker. he said, 'sorry if i startled you.' and all i could say was 'how the hell did you get up here?' he said, "i know, we're not supposed to be on the trail" to which i replied "no - i don't mean that. i mean how they hell did you physically get up that trail?" he said it was a trek but he'd done it several times over the past few years and knew it pretty well now. i asked if he was headed back down as, at this point, it really became rocky and windy (and all the while i'm worried about the climbers over at shasta because if i thought this was difficult i couldn't imagine what they were going through) and he said, 'no - i'm going up a bit further.' i did a john mcenroe impersonation and said, "you cannot be serious." he laughed, said he was but added that he was going to rest awhile and for me to go on ahead as he didn't want to throw any rocks my direction and i told him perhaps he should go first as i didn't want to throw any bodies in his direction. he laughed again and said, 'no really, i need to rest before i try to do the rest of the trail.' then he told me he thought it was awesome that i was doing this but had i seen the movie "172 hours." i said, "no, i know what it's about but i'm not going to see it. i have two sons who are very active in the outdoors - one extremely so - and i am not going to watch the movie.' i added, 'my only consolation besides the fact that they love what they do - as you apparently do, too - is that they've promised me they never go out alone when they're doing an extreme sport.' the little bastard then said, 'oh, like you?' i looked at him and he said, 'where's your buddy?' well, i had already been thinking plenty about how i was in the "do what i say and not what i do" mode and had even told someone close to me that i fully intended to acknowledge that when i got home and told this young man so. i also told him about my trip - it's length, the places i was going, etc. and that it was impossible to find a "buddy" so i was trying to do the next best thing. i let my son cory know whenever i'm going on a more remote hike, i let him know where i'm staying at night and i'm always certain to check in at the rangers' stations. he said he was just giving me a hard time and i said, "good for you" now where's your buddy. he said his helmet was his buddy and that he always told someone where he was going and when to expect to hear from him. he couldn't check in at the ranger's station as bikes weren't allowed. then he said, 'you be careful up there. it's windy and very rocky and you might want to leave your pack down here.' i thanked him and continued up with my pack (and hanes). he was right. it was windy. it was rocky. if hanes and my money/ ids/ keys weren't in my pack i might have dropped it at any number of points but i didn't. because of that, i could only get one or two photos from the top and those were holding onto a tree (or what was left of a tree). it was the coolest feeling in the world. a personal accomplishment. some people run marathons by their 50th birthday. others have other goals. all i knew just over a year ago was that i wanted to get into shape. when i took early retirement instead of moving back to NYC, i told myself i was going to take a trip before going back to work. when i seemed to be putting that off, two of my children were pretty emphatic about me doing it reminding me it was the perfect time if there was such a thing. the hardest thing to do was to leave austin when cj surprised us all and moved there for the summer but i was up front with him about it. i told him that, to be honest, i didn't want to go on the trip at the expense of getting to spend time with him as there was no telling when i'd have that opportunity again even if it was snippets of time here and there between his work, activities and spending time with his friends. he said, 'mom, you've got to do what you've got to do but you're right - it will just be snippets of time and, besides, i'll still be here for a month or so when you get back.'

and so, here i am. so fortunate and so mindful of it. so grateful that i've been able to make the climbs (correction - hikes) that i have and to have seen the things i've seen and meet the people i've met (even really cool doctors in small towns that i still haven't found on the map). to learn when it's time to overcome a fear and when it's time to acknowledge something is not just a fear to be overcome - it's just plain stupidity to continue (think snowdrifts, avalance warnings, "i wouldn't go there if i were you" comments, etc.)

i've had a few dear friends ask me if i've found what i was looking for yet. i don't know how many ways to say it but i did not set out on this trip to "find" anything. i set out to take a trip and that's exactly what i've done so far and hope to continue to do. i've also had a few dear friends touch base with me just to say they're thinking of me and hope i'm having a wonderful adventure. one friend calls me twice - sometimes 3 times - a week to find out where i am and where i've been in between. she doesn't have or want a computer and she's "mapping" my trip on her atlas. i told her i'm mapping it too with a purple hi-lighter but she likes keeping track and i think it's kind of cool. she couldn't believe it when i went through a town with the same name as her last name and then a mountain with the same name. my kiddos have been great too about keeping in touch and my only wish is that i could share each wonderful moment with everyone. there are a few moments, of course, no one would want to be part of but it's the incredible moments i wish i could share; that i wish everyone could experience. but i suppose what i consider incredible wouldn't be so to everyone. to some it would be "lame" compared to what they do; to some it would be boring; to some it would be too dirty; to some it would be a waste of time, to some it would indeed be glorious, etc.

once i turned around to head "home" from castle dome, two young men were coming around the corner where i'd run into bicycle man. they stopped flat out like i was a bear or something. i just said, "hi, how's it going?" and they snapped and mumbled great, cool, something along those lines. then one of the guys said, "did you go to the dome?" i said "yes" (about to pop inside) and he said, 'sweet' and gave me what i thought was going to me a high - five but his knuckles were involved so i just made the same gesture and hoped i wasn't engaging in some sort of gang talk that meant "throw me over the ledge now." but they both smiled and i said, 'be careful, it's really windy up there.' and they said "will do." then i met two more people headed up and they had the same "did you go all the way to the dome?" question and i'm fairly certain a "can you believe she has a pack and bear spray?" look between them. then i came to a mom and her 3 young teen-aged kids. they were in short sleeves (as was i still . . . and the mom had a pack) and i said, 'it's getting chilly at the top and pretty windy' the youngest girl said, "you mean we're almost there?" i said, "you're almost at the end of crag's trail then there's the castle dome" and the mom said, "we're not doing castle dome, just crag's" and the daughter started jumping for joy - she was SO ready to turn around. i was so excited to have gotten there and be headed back i wasn't paying attention to much at all when i heard a whirring noise. this time i knew what it was and stepped over to the side as much as i could without falling. bicycle man shouted "i'm supposed to be the one looking out for you." i said, "i know but it's easier for me to stop and start again than it is for you." he waved as he passed by and i told him to keep both hands on the handlebars. he had told me, during our chat at the top, about some waterfalls that were in the area but not on any map. he told me how to get to them "off trail." for me, that would fall in the "don't be stupid category" but i thought it was great that he told me about them and maybe one of these years i'll try to find them - with someone.

taking some advil now and putting the ice pack back on the noggin' tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous (according to the man in the parking lot who helped me lay cj's tarp over the top of my car to dry - forgot to mention that i had to break camp at 5 a.m. in an absolute downpour. tent and rain fly are hung up in the bathroom and i hope they'll be dry by morning. i called REI - can't put them in a dryer (cj was right) - so if they're not completely dry by tomorrow afternoon, i may have to hang them out my car window and let them flap in the wind as i drive around a bit. then i get to see my friend lore and her family and can air them out in their back yard (if she'll let me - i don't want to embarrass her or anything - or drag down the neighborhood).

p.s. i can't believe i carried on so and forgot the crater lake day. another time. suffice it to say "snow and park ranger who clearly needs some more off-the-job-before-dealing-with-people training.

peace from tiny-town CA

and i've been worried about those guys climbing shasta all day. you couldn't even SEE the mountain this morning for the storm.